The All-Ezra Fanfic Archive - The User's Guide And Manual For Ezra P. Standish (Old West)

The User's Guide And Manual For
Ezra P. Standish
(Old West)

Disclaimer: The Seven don't belong to me. I'm only saddling them up for a 'ride' or 3. I will return them to MGM, Mirisch and Trilogy when we're done. Not mine. No copyright infringement intended. This was written for fun only. No profit made.
Characters: Ezra with a mention of Larabee, Tanner and Dunne.
Rating: Gen, FRT, Humor
Author's Notes: THE USER'S GUIDE AND MANUAL FOR EZRA STANDISH. This idea is not mine. I completely stole it if I knew who thought up the idea of character "user guides" I would certainly credit them. I borrowed it from lj user=evil_jaquie.

THE USER'S GUIDE AND MANUAL FOR
Ezra Standish (patent pending)
Copyright Old West Peacekeepers Ltd.
E.J. Daydreamer, Chief Technical Advisor

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a Magnificent Seven Ezra P. Standish unit. In order to obtain maximum enjoyment from your debonair, multi-armed, shrewd, well-attired gambler, please follow the instructions below.

TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS

NAME: Ezra P. Standish. Sometimes referred to as the gambler (and no we don't know what the P stands for)
TYPE: Human (male)
MANUFACTURERS: Old West Peacekeepers Ltd.
HEIGHT: 5' 10" (1.78 m)
LENGTH: Gratification assured
COLOUR: Gorgeous jade green eyes, gold tooth, reddish brown hair

ACCESSORIES

Your Ezra P. Standish unit comes with Southern charm, a deck of playing cards, black, shaped gambler's hat, numerous tail coats including his red, teal and plum ones, various vests such as his bronze brocade vest, black double-breasted vest and his double-breasted vest with a brown and white honeycomb pattern, gold watch fob, several cravats including a patterned burgundy silk one, a patterned gray silk one and a bronze patterned silk one, plus an assortment of stickpins, tie ribbons and cufflinks, black wool pants with gray pinstripe, numerous white shirts some with ruffles and some without, red cloth suspenders, black sleeve garters, black knee boots, Remington 1875 in his light brown tooled leather gun belt worn with the unused end tucked up through the belt and holster on right hip with narrow thigh lace, another Remington in a shoulder holster is worn under jacket with holster at left shoulder, spring-loaded Derringer rig strapped to right arm under coat, over shirt.^[1] The Ezra Standish deluxe model includes his Chestnut horse, the Chaucer unit,^[2] Remington revolving rifle, table-cloth and the purple dress.

OPERATING INSTRUCTIONS

Your Ezra P. Standish unit has been designed to be user-friendly. His controls are voice activated and will respond to suggestions in English, Ezra-Speak, Fan adulation Speak, French and Spanish.

Besides being a gambler extraordinaire and an honorable peacekeeper, your Ezra P. Standish unit is multi-faceted and has various other uses.

Child Supervision / Story Teller
Your Ezra P. Standish unit skillfully teaches and delightfully entertains children with stories and card tricks.

Charm School Instructor
Your Ezra unit will instruct ladies in the proper etiquette for various social settings as well as instructing ladies on how to walk more gracefully.^[3]

Entrepreneur
Your Ezra unit is a businessman with many ideas for financial investments in numerous business opportunities.^[4]

Singer
Your Ezra unit has a pleasing tenor and will perform and sing but only if he is persuaded by the Larabee and Tanner units.

Stage Coach Driver
Your Ezra unit demonstrates the ability to excellently drive a stage coach as does the J.D. Dunne unit when the situation deems it necessary.

Note - We must advise caution when leaving your Ezra P. Standish unit unattended for any length of time while in any gambling establishment because this unit tends to engage in games of chance which may result in said unit parading down the street in only his boots, a table-cloth tied around his hips, gun belt worn over table-cloth and his black hat.

MAINTENANCE

The Ezra P. Standish unit requires frequent cleaning and grooming. We recommend relaxing soaks in a tub of warm water, plus morning and evening ablutions. Also recommended are weekly trips to the barber and seamstress. In fact the Ezra unit may demand all of the above.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Q. My Ezra unit will not stop parading through the street dressed only in boots, table-cloth, gun-belt and black hat?

It appears one of the default chips in your Ezra P. Standish unit overloaded due to Your Ezra unit's acquaintance with the Lester Banks unit. When you are ready to stop ogling your Ezra unit, reset the well-attired chip of this unit and he will once again be properly attired.

Q. My Ezra Unit will not stop complaining?

The grouse chip is another default chip of this unit, if it bothers you, disconnect the option or have the Larabee unit threaten to shoot him or lock him up. However, the Ezra unit does reset to his default settings after a period of time unless otherwise specified.

Q. My Ezra unit will not stop wagering?

The wagering chip is yet another default chip of this unit. If he will not stop wagering the chip may be caught in a continuous loop, adjust and reset the wagering chip and he should be back to normal. We do not recommend Your Ezra unit convene with the Maude Standish Unit or the Lester Banks Unit at this time because these units could exacerbate the wagering situation.

Final Note

Old West Peacekeepers Ltd. is not liable for any damages your Ezra unit may cause during shootouts or false accusations of cheating during games of chance.

THE END

If you enjoyed this story, we're sure that Gemspegasus would love to hear from you.

^[1] Detailed Accessories perused at Zeke Black's Magnificent Seven handbook, from the section, "What the Seven Wear".
^[2] Chaucer unit named by Kristen.
^[3] Your Ezra unit demonstrates gracefulness by example. He instructs by walking with a book perfectly balanced on his head and expects his pupils to do the same.
^[4] Your Ezra unit's inventive financial schemes may aggravate the Larabee unit until the Larabee unit threatens to shoot your Ezra unit. Do not be alarmed for this is normal interaction between these units.

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with corrections and additions

Q.				My Ezra unit will not stop parading through the street dressed only in boots, table-cloth, gun-belt and black hat?

				It appears one of the default chips in your Ezra P. Standish unit overloaded due to Your Ezra unit's acquaintance with the Lester Banks unit. When you are ready to stop ogling your Ezra unit, reset the well-attired chip of this unit and he will once again be properly attired.

Q.				My Ezra Unit will not stop complaining?

				The grouse chip is another default chip of this unit, if it bothers you, disconnect the option or have the Larabee unit threaten to shoot him or lock him up. However, the Ezra unit does reset to his default settings after a period of time unless otherwise specified.

Q.				My Ezra unit will not stop wagering?

				The wagering chip is yet another default chip of this unit. If he will not stop wagering the chip may be caught in a continuous loop, adjust and reset the wagering chip and he should be back to normal. We do not recommend Your Ezra unit convene with the Maude Standish Unit or the Lester Banks Unit at this time because these units could exacerbate the wagering situation.