Musing Over Google

by Sammy Girl

Disclaimer: Not mine, never were, never will be.
Author's Note: Betaed by Kerry.
Feedback: Oh yes please!

Ah, the joys of being a Federal Agent.

You may be a member of an elite tactical team, with the best arrest record across three federal agencies, but - you still have to spend days tracking down internet liquor stores selling bootleg booze. Someone has been ripping off imported spirits from a bonded warehouse in Miami. Now what, you may ask, is an ATF team in Denver doing investigating booze stolen in Florida? Well if whoever's got it is - as the suits in Washington suspect - selling it via the Internet, it doesn't matter where you investigate it from. Of course, if we find a site we think worth further checks, and they are selling in the Northwest, we'll be the ones who'll do the groundwork - but that is a long way off.

What do we have here? 'Hank's Hooch Hut.' Okay, 'Enter'.

Ezra's wearing that pale grey suit today, the one he only wears when there is no chance of him having to do any work outside the office. It makes his eyes look even greener...

What? Oh, okay let's look at your catalogue Hank, and I want some gin today.

Okay we are looking for Gordon's and Hank is offering...? Beefeater and London, sorry Hank, you don't have what I want, back to Google.

How does he do that? Spin his gold fountain pen through his fingers while typing with the other hand. Why does he even have a gold fountain pen anyway? It's not like he needs it much, I only ever use a pen to sign documents and make notes, good old Bic works just fine for that.

What do we have here? 'Spirit House.' Okay, worth a look. Yes, I am over twenty one - like there is any way you can check that. Loading? Damn how big is this site?

I guess Ez has that pen because it's the best. Ezra's got style, he can pull it off, if I got a gold pen, it'd just look, well fake I guess, but with Ezra it just looks - natural.

Yes, I already told you I was over twenty one, I'm still over twenty one, I haven't got younger in the last few minutes - more's the pity.

Okay, for Spirit House read porn house, not my kind of porn either. I know people think I love this shit, but I don't. Don't get me wrong, good porn, well I guess it's more erotica, is great, bad porn is about as hot as a gynaecological textbook. Now, when you're fourteen, that's as hot as it gets, when you're twenty, horny as all hell and hammered, or high, or both, it's still horny, but not now. Back to Google.

I'm not saying I don't have style, I have style, it's a style all my own, earthy, natural, All-American if you like. Now I can have 'style' style when called for, I've been told I 'scrub up' very well, I look good in a tux if I do say so myself. I can fake them fancy manners Ezra has. Hell, I've done my share undercover. The trouble is that's what it would be, me - undercover, style and manners like Ezra's doesn't come naturally to me like it does him.

What's this? 'Fine Liquor Direct', let's take a look. Hello, we have Gordon's. Do I want to order? No, not yet, let's take a look around first. See if you're going to tell me where you hang out.

Here we go, 'contact us' and we have an actual address, in my hometown, good old Las Vegas. Ok, copy, paste, send it to the guys in Las Vegas, let them check it out.

God I hate this, how do people do this all day? I've only been at this an hour and already my back aches and I swear I'm getting a headache.

It's just the two of us in the office today; everyone else is in court. They were taking down a bunch of truck hijackers, who were targeting cigarettes, while the two us were dying of flu last November. Now that case has come to court, personally I think it highly suspicious that they go off to court just when the shit-hole assignment of all shit-hole assignments lands on Chris' desk. Oh well, back to work.

No, no, no, don't deliver, don't deliver, don't deliver but are in Colorado, okay let's take a look. Gordon's gin, good, let's copy the address, we can check them out later.

I'd like to say let's go now but Ezra's got that suit on, so he won't come. God, he looks good in that suit, he looks good in almost anything of course. Ezra could wear a burlap sack and look good; clothes look good on him, but then so do no clothes. I've seen Ez in the shower and damn he's built! All firm sculpted muscles and smooth skin, just enough muscle to be hot, without looking like Schwarzenegger.

What's this? Oh great, online seances. That's all I need.

"I was wondering when we'd find something like this. It's scary to think some people are actually gullible enough to believe this rubbish."

He's standing right behind me, I didn't even hear him get up, he moves so smoothly. Vin, of course, could creep up on anyone, but Ezra just moves so smoothly, he doesn't even have to try to not make a sound.

"Do you want some coffee? Since I'm up."

"Sure, thanks Ez."

Damn, look at that ass move, poetry in motion.

What's this, oh shit! No! No, no! Fucking porn pop ups! I hate them. Oh yes, make it so big it goes off the screen so the 'close' and 'move' buttons are hidden. Come on, there must be a way to close this, I'll be dammed if I'm gonna close the whole screen. Come the revolution the little fuckers who make these things are gonna be the second ones up against the wall I tell you! Right behind the miserable geeks who send out viruses, 'get 'em in my sights and bang, bang, bang - will serve them right, bastards! At least this one has the oh so tasteful little white lights, covering the appropriate parts of the girls' anatomy. Come on, there must be some way to get rid of it!

Here comes Ezra. God that suit is the best, not so tight it looks like a reject from 'Saturday Night Fever', but tight enough to show off his package and damn fine it looks.

"Here's your coffee. Problems? I heard you cursing - oh."

"Yeah, can't get rid of the damn thing."

"Have you tried this?"

Oh man, he smells great, yeah Ez, lean in a little closer.

"There, I know it's only minimised but at least you can carry on working."

"Thanks, for the coffee as well."

"My pleasure."


That was wonderful, to be that close, he smells good. Those jeans fit perfectly, like a second skin, they've faded to the contours of his body. Oh well, back to work. This is a total waste of my time and talent, Buck's too, but then we work for the government, and must do their bidding - however inane that is. Buck keeps looking at me, maybe he's just bored, or... maybe the suit is working? One can hope. Come on Ezra, concentrate, you have work to do.

Oh joy, now I've got a pop up, gay porn, not bad either, he's hot, wow Buck could do that to me anytime - if only. Nice, very nice, well my dick's bigger than his! Hell that one isn't natural, I mean I'm all for big, big is good, but that's just inhuman - I bet it's a fake. I'll wager good money Buck's big, I mean I know he's big, I've seen him in the shower - who hasn't? The way he wanders around the locker room in nature's glory. Even if he's a 'shower' and not a 'grower' he's still going to be big. There he goes, looking at me again, could the man be any more desirable? The way he moves, it's just one long come on, and that voice - it's like listening to velvet running over a polished floor. The man is just sex on legs, no two ways about it. And the women love him, so many women... who are you kidding Ezra, the suit isn't working, he's Mr Straight, as straight as they come - except, the way he looks at me...

Finally, bye-bye boys, sadly. This search is so pointless, look at all these web sites, how are the two of us meant to check them all? We're not even computer experts, not that I'd wish it on JD, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Oh please let it be lunch, now, please.

Phone! Thank the Lord.

"Hello, Agent Standish at your service, how may I help you?"


Wonder who's on the phone? Why's Ezra being so nice?

"You are sure about this?"

Who's sure about what?

"Could I have that in writing, can you send me an e-mail? So my boss can see it in black and white."

What? What? What is it Chris needs to see in print?

"Mr Larabee, yes he is somewhat."

Scary? You bet he can be.

"Outstanding, you sir have made my - our - day, good day to you."


"Mr Wilmington, we are relieved of this onerous duty, they have located the outlet for the stolen alcohol."

"You're kidding me? For real?"

"I have requested Washington send me an e-mail, so there can be no mistake. We don't want Chris accusing us of dereliction of duty do we?"

"That would spoil our day, and no mistake."

Come on Buck my boy, go for it, you've got the day off, it's just the two of you, what's the worst that can happen?

"Ezra, you want to go to lunch? Since we've got time, I was thinking of going out to this little Italian place I know out toward Golden. Wanna come?"

"That sounds most agreeable."


On to: Lusting Over Lasagna

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