Dust To Dust
Pairing: Ezra Standish and Nathan Jackson
Summary: Waking up in a hayloft.
Date written: 26 August 2001
Back to: Dust To Dust Part 1
I was toasty warm and pleasantly held close in strong arms with warmth all down my back. My body thought that was a very nice way to sleep and my sleepy mind thought that my bed had never been so comfortable before. I wanted to stretch but when I did, those arms tightened around me and I woke up with a start.
This wasn't my bed back at the saloon. This was a hayloft in the Black's barn and the strong arms belonged to Nathan. My eyes flew open to see the early light of dawn streaming in the cracks in the plank roof. I was held fast by arms the color of coffee while a large capable hand held my slowly hardening cock.
And if I was not mistaken, a very large, very hard cock was nestled between my cheeks.
I swallowed hard and thought back over the confessions of the night. Would Nathan still want this in the light of day when he could truly see me for what I was? He was such a good man, strong and gentle even with me, the no-account gambler in his life. No one had ever stayed and partaken of more than a night with me. I could only assume that I wasn't very good at loving.
But he seemed to enjoy our love making last night, I argued with myself. If he stayed, I'd be willing to take him on any terms he decreed. Never had I known such peace as I had the night before. It must be his healer's touch. I prayed silently to a God that I wasn't sure even existed. Just one more day, Lord, let me have just one more day.
And that's when I realized that Nathan was awake and kissing the back of my neck.
"Good morning, Ezra. I don't think I've ever slept so well in a hayloft." He chuckled and nuzzled the back of my neck again.
So, I turned in his arms so he could really see me. "Good morning, Nathan. I slept well, also. I don't think I even dreamed."
"Well, if you did it must have been of something good 'cause look how you woke up." He gathered our cocks together in that capable hand of his and I shivered all the way down to my toes. "You still willin', Ezra? 'Cause I surely am."
He did want to, I thought with relief. "Yes, please, Nathan. More than anything, I want you inside of me."
His hand stilled and those chocolate eyes widened. "You want me to take you first, Ezra? I thought maybe you'd like to come inside of me."
It was my turn to be shocked. He'd let me...? I couldn't finish that thought. "No, I want you to take me. Make this real instead of such a good dream that I don't want to ever wake up."
"We're not a dream, Ezra." Firm lips met mine for a sizzling brush of mouth to mouth and I just had to open up for more of his rich taste. But eventually we had to breathe and he took a deep breath, giving me time to regain my composure. "We don't either of us take making love lightly. I promise that I will never make you do anything you don't want to."
"But I want you." I was blushing so hard my ears were probably bright pink. "I mean, I want you to make love to me so I'll know how."
He stilled then leaned up over me. "Ezra, you've never been with a man before?"
I gulped and told him the truth in a whisper. "Just once... I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. One of the Union soldiers who captured my squad got drunk and... and took me."
"Raped you?" His voice swelled and for one frightening moment I thought he was angry with me. "Son of a bitch, how badly did he hurt you? My sweet Ezra, you didn't deserve that."
"My captain said it was my own fault for being so... so effeminate." I could feel small tremors shake my whole body. I hadn't thought of that in years. I thought I'd buried it so deep inside that it would never come back except in my dreams.
"That's bullshit, Ezra. There is no excuse in any way, shape, or form for somebody taking you against your will." He kissed me softly and I felt the tremors subside. "How bad was it?"
"I bled rather heavily for a day or so and going to the... um, bathroom was a little painful for about a week. But we'd been transferred to another unit and I kept myself dirty so they wouldn't think I was . . . pretty."
"Sweet Ezra, dirty or clean, you're one of the most beautiful men I've ever seen. I know why he lusted after you but I'm real sorry that he took what should have been yours to give." He scattered little kisses over my face, licking away my tears and smoothing his love over the wounds of the past.
"Thank you, Nathan. I still want you inside of me. Show me know how it's supposed to feel when you l-... like the person you're with."
"Well, we're going to need something to smooth the way. Have you got any of that hair pomade that I've seen you use?" He sat up but made me stay flat.
"It's in my saddle bags." I watched his big body rise and head for the ladder, my eyes greedily drinking in the sight of all those long, heavy muscles of his. He was beautiful in a way that I could never be. I'm small and some might call me compact but I knew I was just skinny.
He was like a marble statue that I saw once in a museum in New York City. The Roman sculptor, Michelangelo had immortalized a wrestler in marble. I'd never seen such power and grace until this sight of Nathan in the early morning light. But cold white marble would never be able to do justice to the warm, dark chocolate skin of the man that I'd held in my arms.
He was beautiful in every way and I knew what a privilege it was that he wanted me. The sin, if there was one, was that I wasn't good enough for his great hearted soul. And I sent up another quick petition that the good Lord make sure that nothing I did would harm him or cause him a moment of pain.
Any pain belongs to me, I vowed silently.
Then his head reappeared above the ladder and I saw he'd slung both sets of saddlebags over his broad shoulders. I watched with quiet awe his return to me and the smile on his face brought one to mine. "Ezra, that's a real lustful look and I'm glad to see it. I'd hate to think that I was the only one who wanted this."
"Oh, I want you, Nathan. I just... just never thought I could dream so well." I tried to tell him that I knew I wasn't good enough but I was still hoping against hope that he'd let me have this one time.
"Not dreamin', Ezra Standish. This is just as real as real can be." He settled back at my side, setting the saddlebags down near us and leaning in for another kiss.
I sucked on his tongue, taking the rich taste of him inside of me, the way I wanted to take his cock deep into my body. His hands touched me everywhere and I burned in a way I'd never experienced before. Then his mouth was moving down my throat and nibbling at my nipples while I held his head and tried not to shake. It had felt so good in the night that I was surprised to find it felt even better when I could look down and see those strong white teeth of his nip at the suddenly sensitive nub.
"You're beautiful here, Ezra. Pretty pink nipples that just beg me to suckle at your breast." His murmur brought tears to my eyes. No one had ever told me that before. But he was moving further down and suddenly his warm wet tongue was laving my stomach. It was just as ticklish in the light of day and I had to laugh out loud at the teasing touch. He chuckled then swooped down on my cock while I gasped and tried not to pull on his hair.
"But this is just about the most beautiful cock I've ever seen." He licked away a tear from the small slit while I tried to stay still. "You know, I've seen most of us in the all together at one time or another but I always did think that you were beautiful. Every part of you is in proportion with everything else."
"Th-thank you, Nathan. I don't believe I've ever had such a nice compliment." I squirmed when he rubbed his stubbled cheek lightly over my crown. If I got much more stimulation, I was going to come prematurely. "Please come inside of me, Nathan."
He stopped what he was doing and looked up at me. "You're sure, Ezra? We could wait until we're back in town in your rooms or mine."
I felt myself go rigid. "You... you want me for more than once?"
He swore quietly under his breath before moving back to my side and pulling me close to him. "Ezra, I want you for always. I don't know any other way to tell you that I was wrong about you. I respect your many skills and I'm looking forward to learning more about you over the next thirty years or so, if the good Lord gives us that long. It won't be easy with us being different colors. But then two men who love each other don't have it so easy either, no matter what color they are."
"Forever." I managed to whisper to him. "May I have forever?"
"Yes." He kissed me solemnly then leaned back to look at me. "There, that's better. I like to see you smile that warm smile. Your eyes light up and twinkle like green stars in the night sky."
I chuckled a little, which was obviously what he wanted because he was tickling me into laughter while I tried to escape his teasing fingers. But all motion ceased when a piping voice came from the barn door. "N-n-nathan? You awake? Mama thinks she's maybe bleeding again."
"I'll be right there, Johnny. Go back and fill the teakettle before putting it on the front burner. Ezra and I will be in as soon as we get dressed." Nathan sighed soundlessly and kissed me hard. Then in a whisper right by my ear, he told me he loved me again before reluctantly letting me go.
He quickly slid into his longjohns and left for the lower level with his boots in hand. I sat up and wistfully put my own on before getting the comb from my saddlebags and taming the morning hair with which I always woke. It didn't take me long to get dressed but for once, I left my jacket hanging up in the horse stall. It was only the five of us and I thought that maybe Nathan would like to see me with fewer layers.
He'd already seen my back so he knew the worst of my scars. I was very lucky that he was so magnanimous and accepting of my flaws. Then I went inside to make breakfast for the family. The oatmeal was cooking in the cooking pot while I scrambled the six eggs that Johnny had found in the hen house. Nathan's comforting murmur came from behind the closed door and I smiled at the eggs while answering Mary's questions about how to cook.
Nathan came out and asked me to heat up more of the beef broth before taking some of the hot water back in with him. I hoped that didn't mean that Mrs. Black had suffered a relapse. The children were uneasy, glancing at the bedroom door over and over. So I got their attention and began another one of my stories. Breakfast was ready when I tapped on the door and Nathan called for me to come in.
Mrs. Black was paler than the day before but her smile was still as bright. She might have been beautiful once but the long years spent trying to wrest a living from the soil had aged her prematurely. Until she smiled, then you saw the pretty girl that she had been. She murmured her thanks when I handed the beef broth over in one their tin cups.
Her hand shook but the first sip seemed to give her strength. "Nathan, go eat your breakfast while it's hot. I'll be fine. Perhaps I could have some of that oatmeal that I smell cooking after I finish this broth."
"If you're still hungry then I shall bring in a bowl for you." I promised her.
Breakfast was quiet but they finished everything on their plates. I took in a small bowl of oatmeal sweetened with the syrup I brought and she finished it, too. Nathan took her pulse before tucking her back in and telling her to sleep some more. We exchanged a rather sad look before splitting up to help the children with their chores.
Mary and I searched for more eggs while Nathan chopped wood for the woodpile. Johnny carried in logs for the house then started stacking it in the sheltered alcove near the door. I've never seen anyone cut wood faster than Nathan. His concentration on the job was admirable and I watched surreptitiously when he began to sweat. Soon, his shirt came off and I had to catch my breath at the play of muscles under his skin.
Johnny followed his example but Mary and I stayed clothed by going inside to bake her mother a cake. Half the eggs we'd found went into it and I found half a quart of milk in the well alcove. With a little sugar and flour that I'd brought with me, we made quite a nice cake while I boiled potatoes for our lunch. She ran out to the small garden and brought me what could only be the last of the green beans.
They weren't the best but they would have to do. I'd seen some basil growing in the garden and I sent her out again to bring in five or six leaves. But she wasn't sure she knew which herb it was. So we went out together and I explained the names of all the herbs growing there.
The rest of the day passed peacefully and even though I wanted Nathan's complete attention, I knew my time was coming. Dinner was festive with flowers on the table, two rabbits that Nathan and Johnny had caught and Mrs. Black's cake for dessert. The children helped me wash up while Nathan got their mother ready for bed. Their story was a short one for they fell asleep quickly after their busy day.
Then Nathan and I were walking across the dirt yard to the barn. Once we went in, he paused and looked down at me in the fading light of dusk. "Maybe we should go down and help each other wash away the toil of the day?"
I know my eyes lit up and I moved closer to him, taking a deep breath of his musky scent. "I'll wash your back for you, Nathan. Then perhaps you could return the favor?"
He chuckled and kissed me. I will never get enough of his kisses, not if I live to be ninety. But he broke it off abruptly and took a deep breath. "Soap and towels, Ezra or we won't make it out of this barn."
I nodded a little breathlessly and hurried up the ladder so I could reach for my saddlebags and the soap we needed. Then I returned no less hurriedly because I wanted to be able to see him again even if it was only in twilight. He put an arm around me and I slid mine around his waist while we walked in silence to the stream. We undressed each other with many a fond caress before taking to the water. It was still warm from the afternoon sun and felt like silk to my overheated skin.
Taking the soap, I lathered my hands and washed Nathan thoroughly from head to toe. His skin felt so alive that I wanted to keep touching it everywhere. But he was impatient and took the soap from me; washing me all over and taking the time to lave those spots that made me squirm. I had no secrets from our healer when it came to my body. But his last caress made me shiver all over.
With soapy fingers, he breached my entrance and held me close while he slowly thrust them inside of me. At first it was just uncomfortable then his angle changed and I felt warmth bloom deep and spread outward. "Nathan?"
"There's a gland inside of a man that feels real good when it's stimulated. You all right with this, so far?" He whispered in my ear, tonguing the lobe before biting it gently.
Every touch made me grow harder and harder until I thought I'd burst. "Please, Nathan. More, please."
He chuckled and urged me down onto the grassy bank on my back. Then his fingers slid back inside of me and his mouth descended on my cock. I bit my hand to keep from crying out, his hand on my stomach kept me from moving and all too soon, I was releasing into his care.
"Beautiful Ezra." He slowly left me empty and leaned over me. "Let's go to bed."
I nodded, bereft of all words. He helped me up and dried me while I gradually stopped shaking. But I insisted on drying him as well and I paid special attention to his magnificent organ, which was fully rigid and standing out from his groin like a flag pole. I could hardly wait to take him inside of me. Leaving it with a last kiss to the velvet crown, I finished drying his long legs.
Then we hurried back to the barn while the air grew steadily more chilly around us. I hurried up the ladder, determined to remake our bed into one slightly more comfortable. Wishing I had a linen sheet, I mounded the straw again and spread one of Nathan's blankets flat out then added one of mine. Hopefully, that would keep stray bits of straw from poking either of us in a sensitive spot. Shaking out our remaining blankets, I folded them at the foot so they'd be ready to pull over us when we were done making love.
"Looks real good, Ezra." Nathan had followed me up and I watched while he hung the lantern securely on a hook just above the ladder. He turned the flame down low but the soft yellow light seemed to glow like a miniature sun above us. "I want to see you, Ezra and I want you to see me."
I blushed all the way down to my toes. I wasn't much to look at but he certainly was. He just chuckled and pulled our saddlebags closer to us. I sat down and opened mine in search of the pomade that he said would help him come inside of me. I didn't use much so the small jar was pretty full. Handing it to him, I started to lay down on my stomach but his hand stopped me.
"I want to see you, Ez'. I want to watch you flush all the way down to those pretty toes of yours. I want you to watch me suckle at your breast and feel my fingers sliding so deep inside of you that you won't even notice when I take them out and slip in my cock." He made love to me with words and kisses. If I hadn't already been in love with him, I would have fallen then.
"Nathan," was all I could say, pulling him down to me and kissing him everywhere I could reach. He chuckled and kissed me back while teasing my legs apart so he could kneel between them. The first two slick fingers merely took up where his soapy fingers had left off and I felt again that warm sensation that radiated out to my extremities.
But then there were three fingers moving slightly in and out and the warmth became a burn that stung. I knew there would be some pain but his cock was bigger than even three fingers and I took a deep breath while he gently kept my entrance scissored open.
"More, Nathan. Please more." I needed to move or something. I'd never felt such pleasure mixed with pain. Then the fingers were gone and I sighed in relief only to have him turn me to the side so he could spoon up behind me.
"Now, I need you to relax all over and push out real hard against me, Ezra. You sure you want me right now?" I could hear him rubbing pomade on his cock and I nodded. "I need to hear the words, Ezra. I'd never forgive myself if you didn't want this."
"I do want you, Nathan. There's a fire burning inside of me and only you can put out the flames." I turned enough so he could see the determination on my face. He kissed me gently then I felt him nudge between my cheeks.
Relaxing as best I could, I felt the warm blunt intruder press against my entrance. Pushing back against him, I knew the exact moment he breached me. Searing pain radiated out from my small hole and into my lower back. He stilled a long moment while I panted through it. Then he pushed a little further in and paused again. This pain was just as bad as when the soldier had raped me except I wanted this.
I wanted Nathan and if pain was the price for having him then I would gladly pay it. "More, Nathan. Give him all to me."
"Brave Ezra." His soft voice soothed away some of the pain and I felt him slide all the way in, his heavy balls flush against my cheeks.
There'd been a flash of warmth that I had only associated with his fingers. When he went back to rocking gently in and out, it came again. And yet again. The dull ache was soon leavened with bright heat that burned but in a good way. He was pulling further out then back in with ever quickening thrusts that soon banished the pain completely and left me burning inside and out.
I was moaning steadily and his big hand was frictioning my awakened shaft at almost the same speed as his thrusts. Suddenly I came hard onto his fingers and felt liquid heat fill my channel to overflowing. I went completely limp all over and felt his arms hold me tightly against him. If I was very lucky, I would never have to move again.
"Sweet Ezra." The soft endearment made my eyes fill with tears. "I've never felt anything like your heat. Did the pain ever go away?"
I nodded and dragged up the energy to speak. "You must have struck my gland a hundred times and each time it felt better and better until the pain went away. Stay inside of me as long as you can, please?"
"I'd stay inside of you forever, Ezra Standish." He kissed the back of my sweaty neck and I gave a contented sigh. "But somehow I think that would make playing poker kind of hard for you."
"Rather have you inside of me than play poker any old day." I snuggled back against him, loving the heat of him.
He chuckled and petted my stomach with come-covered fingers. I brought his hand up to my mouth and licked away every last trace of my seed. I didn't taste as good as he did but maybe later he'd let me have his cock again to touch, caress and drain the way he'd done for me earlier.
"Ezra, that's just about the nicest thing anybody has ever said to me." His voice was kind of choked and I twisted around to see what I'd done wrong. And somehow he read my mind. "That's a good thing, sweet Ezra, a real good thing. But I need to come out so I can make sure that I didn't hurt you. Relax for me and pretend that I'm not already inside but you want me to come in."
"I'll always want you to come in. Ow-w-w," I panted a little and felt him still then slowly come out with a popping sound. My little hole spasmed open and shut for a moment while I shuddered with relief.
"Thank you, Lord." I heard him murmur then a cool damp cloth was mopping up the trickles. "There's no blood but you're going to be sore tomorrow. I wish we were back in Four Corners and I had that comfrey salve that works so well on sore muscles."
"We shall be back there soon enough but what will we tell the others?" I was a little worried about that since I was very much odd man out of our little group.
Nathan turned me over and looked down into my face. "We'll tell them the truth or as much of it as they need to know. We helped out the Blacks, you pulled a couple of muscles and we came back to town as friends."
That was a relief. "Yes, that will work. Although, I expect they'll wonder why you changed your mind. I'm not really someone that you would trust normally."
"Yes, you are, Ezra." He frowned then smiled. "I can see that I'm going to have to reassure you a few more times before you believe me."
"I want to believe you, Nathan. I want to be worthy of your friendship." I told him earnestly.
"You're worthy, Ezra and somehow I'm goin' to make you see that." He kissed me gently then rolled away to put out the lantern before coming back to our bed and pulling the blankets up over us. "Sleep now and we'll talk more in the morning. I love you, Ezra and I'd like to thank you for letting me love you."
I held him close and buried my face in his warm shoulder. "I love you, Nathan. Thank you for loving me so well. May we do it again tomorrow?"
He chuckled and kissed the top of my head. "If you're not too sore, sweet Ezra."
I fell asleep, warmed to the depths of my soul by the wonderful man who held me. Tomorrow couldn't come soon enough.
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